Never Ending Saga

Here is the latest on my never-ending infertility saga.

I think through everything I have been through, I am pretty good at reading signs & signals (when things are not quite right, etc…)

On Friday I told Joe I thought I should take a pregnancy test – just felt concerned for some reason. So I took one test and then two more (all 3 came back positive.) Needless to say, I didn’t even know what to feel. It should be a happy moment for us. However, being pregnant would also mean giving up Chancelet (just a part of the agreements we have with the adoption process) which would be devastating. And even if we wanted to be excited about being pregnant, when you have been through so many negative outcomes it's really hard to have a positive outlook on any result.

• And things didn’t feel “right” to me, given my last miscarriage. I am also just paranoid about going through that pain/process again. So we went to the ER last night…
  We spent 4.5 hours there and it was a roller-coaster of emotions.
• After doing blood work and an ultrasound, they told me I was in fact pregnant: my HCG level is at 13,000, but they were having a radiologist review the ultrasound and wanted to wait for those results.
• So they came back 30 minutes later and told me, based on the radiologist input, I was probably headed for an “impending miscarriage.” This is based on the hcg levels + ultrasound measurements.
• They sent me away with some vicodin and antibiotics.
• I am supposed to go have more blood work done on Monday/Tuesday with a regular doctor to see if by chance, the hcg levels are rising (in which case things might actually not turn into a miscarriage.)
  

So right now I am scared to death of what I am about to face with another miscarriage and trying also concerned about the timing for our Mexico trip on Saturday (no idea when it could happen.)