Another Sad Result

I broke down and took a home pregnancy test today…

 

It was negative, so odds that Monday’s blood test will be any different are pretty low.  And you think I would be prepared for that result by now, but somehow it always stirs up emotions that I didn’t know were still in me.  I guess it goes back to that hope entry I wrote about earlier – it just takes away that hope that you had in you, and after hope is gone, there’s not much left (except to feel sorry for yourself.)

 

So I am trying not to feel bad, or be angry or sad (but that’s very hard.)  I do think it will be easier on Monday - just being prepared what the result will be.  So I guess I am glad I went ahead and took the test.

 

I have no idea what is next…  I sometimes wonder if God is just telling me that being a mom isn’t in the plan for me.