Deep Sighs...

Here is the latest on our pregnancy journey; the last couple of weeks have been a mix of highs and lows.

I have been researching surrogacy to see if that might be a viable alternative for us. We were pretty excited about the prospect as it seemed to be a good option. We had talked extensively with an agency and they had even given us a couple of women who were solid candidates in the area. We had worked out the finances and the last step was to work with OHSU to see what their process and costs would be for this situation.

That is when the ball dropped - lots of hurdles. Due to testing that needs to be done (given implant of “sperm” into another person) and the STD/HIV testing requirements (now and again in 6 months) before they can move forward. Also, my doctor has to deem surrogacy as my “only” option (which I am not sure he would do at this point in time.) And we found out due to the testing issue, I would have to start with a fresh cycle (to prove the sperm were in fact tested) so we couldn’t use my frozen embryos – hence tripling the cost. So the total cost could potentially be ~$60,000 for a surrogate situation (after paying fees, the surrogate and clinic procedures, etc...) and even though we were prepared to spend about $35-40,000, this just takes us out of that game. What I find really odd is that the agency didn't share any of the testing "federal regulations" with us, nor the fact that we would need a fresh cycle. That was pretty disappointing.

So we are now back to using my cycles, with the shared risk program we are in. I guess my biggest problem is the time requirements on me and fitting it all in with work. I think the frozen cycles will be shorter, so maybe we can get a couple of those in and then plan for a fresh one later on.

We also decided to research and potentially pursue the adoption route in parallel, as that process is so long. It’s just such a “different” approach than what we ever expected needing to take. And while I KNOW in my heart I will love that kid more than anything, I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through this can understand the pain associated with the fact that you many never get to meet "your" own child; the one you created... it's a very tough situation to be faced with - heartbreaking when I think about it.

But we just keep moving forward with our "ideas" and figuring God is going to shut the doors He doesn't want us to go through... clearly that is happening.